I need your help!

"We watch the clouds for fear of the storm when we should focus on the promise of the rainbow to come"

With that, for my next blog post, I'm asking you to send me pictures of rainbows! Since there have been tons being posting lately, I'm hoping that won't be a problem! Additionally, if you are comfortable, I would like you to send me a story when you have hit a rough spot and in the end, it was all okay! I would love to put this with my next blog post! You can message me them on here or email them to me at tjl005@morningside.edu. I appreciate any and all contributions I can get for my next post. Thanks!

If you would like to check out my blog it is www.tashajo12.blogspot.com

Why Run? Realizing I’ve had my Priorities Wrong this Whole Time

I just counted. I have had NINE female family members (hoping I didn’t forget anyone!) who have run cross country for the same coach at O’Neill High School. Honestly, I wanted nothing to do with running. I ran in junior high because I wasn’t very good at volleyball. When I was a freshman, I wanted to play softball. My family had other plans for me. Cross Country or nothing for sports. 

Liz has always been one of my biggest inspirations since I was young.

That’s when my cousin, Liz, stepped in. There were only three girls doing cross country and four made a team. Yep, you guessed it. I obviously was forced to do cross. I decided it was fine, I really looked up to Liz. She was my favorite cousin and, after all, she was the one who influenced me to do wrestling in elementary school. I wasn’t expecting much out of the sport because I had finished, we’ll say, in the last ten of every junior high race. Additionally, I hadn’t really committed myself to running during the summer, I was still bitter about not being about to do softball.

"Running is the greatest metaphor for life, because you get out of it what you put into it." -Pre

I started to figure out running by time I got to my junior year of cross country. I made state and finally was like aw yeah, this sport isn’t that bad! I was having an A M A Z I N G time with my teammates and finally the running aspect of the sport was coming together.

 Isn’t it funny how I really never enjoyed the running part of the sport until I got good?

Senior year running was FULL of ups and downs. Not only did I have the pressure of wanting to get back to state, but, also, I was a senior! I was worrying about what I was going to do next year and for the rest of my life! A few area colleges were recruiting me to run, and up to the district race, I was sure I was going to run college. However, I’m the type of girl who cracks under pressure. We were at Skyview Lake in Norfolk. I always HATED this course! In the S I X previous times I had ran this hilly course, I had never had a good race! Seventh time is the charm, right? Wrong. Within half a mile of the 4K race, I threw up. Still, to this day, I hate the corner of the park where the “dinosaur house” is. Of course, this would be the meet that future potential coaches from Briar Cliff had come to. I still remember being surrounded by my teammates crying because I felt like the last four years had been a waste. What happens, the coaches walk up to me. I was so embarrassed because I was crying over not making it to state! I remember one of the girls (sorry ladies, don’t remember which one of you!) saying, “they’ll understand, it shows you love the sport.”

It's so funny how that comes back in life.

While I did qualify for state track for the first time in the 3200 my senior year, I cracked again. How much can I let competition get to me? By this time, I had already signed to be a Morningside Mustang. I was really excited because I knew Coach was at the meet and this was the first time he and some of my future teammates had the opportunity to see me run. I didn’t want to disappoint. Looking back, I don’t think it was really him I didn’t want to disappoint—it was myself. To that point, I had been so nervous, I threw up during T W O separate races, district cross country and the Norfolk Classic. I was just hoping I could keep my already empty stomach from throwing up more. Well surprise, surprise, I let my nerves get to me (at least it wasn’t during the race!). You know it’s bad when Coach, whom I had only met a few times, asked me if I was nervous; it was that obvious from the look on my face.

Fast forward to my collegiate career. By now, getting so nervous and having to throw up before every race was normal. Let me be the first to say, THAT’S NOT OKAY, I know.

Additionally, I have gone through my share of injuries. Shin splints have taken a cross country season away from me. I’m going to be honest, I let injuries control my mentality. I’d look at the times from this year and compare them to last year, and breakdown. The times weren’t even comparable. Someone says, “But you were injured..” I don’t let that matter, in fact, that statement bothered me even more. I am the type of person that thinks I should always just improve. When I’d finished a race, I’d get upset every time. Even though I was [usually] improving on the season, I wasn’t improving overall in my career. That’s the problem with me. I often look so much at the big steps, I don’t notice the small steps and how they add up.

"Take the first step in faith. You don't have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step." -Martin Luther King Jr. 

Take the first step in faith. You don't have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step.
Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/keywords/step.html#6mCQ5BqITMMdAz7c.99

I must apologize to my teammates. I am sorry for getting so caught up and disappointed in myself that it caused me to take too much time and dedication away from you.

It is because of this, I have made it my only action to change.

"The first toward change is awareness. The second step is acceptance." -Nathaniel Branden

My Point

I’m obviously not the first to say this, but SPORTS ARE NOT EVERYTHING. In my life, I have been at fault with the statement many times, actually, a majority of the time. My parents have never been the ones to say, “You have to win,” or “You have to be the best.” They were more the type to say, “Do your best.” But I’m the type of girl who takes that statement and turns it into, “Always do the best.” But that’s not the way it’s supposed to be. Why is it that if I’m not doing my best or the best A L L the time, I find no worth in why I am doing what I am doing. I know I’m not the only one who feels this way. But, people have taught me just the opposite.

Racing the 800 with Nicole for the first time.

Nicole S, my freshman year running buddy. I heard about how Nicole had caught mono one year in college and her body just had never recovered from it and she wasn’t the same runner. But that doesn’t matter. Yes, Nicole loves running but she knows it is not everything. I still remember being disappointed in a race and Nicole saying, “So? It’s just running.” Her positive, smart remarks have never failed to be straightforward with me: so, it’s fine. It’s okay to have ups and downs, just keep moving forward. Thanks Nicole for always pushing me and making see what really is important.

The Shepherd girls and me. Love Tiff and Tab so much! 

Tab S was the cross country captain my freshman year of college is one of the most inspirational, caring, and insightful people I have ever met in my life. She broke her foot doing what she loved, steeple chasing. I never really realized how tough it could be to come back from such an injury. Even after I have experienced one myself, I still do not understand how she did/ does to this day. But the last outdoor meet of the year, it was somewhat revealed. I was upset because the season did not turn out at all like I had wanted it to. I went over to a group of my most encouraging friends. I told them about how all season I hated running. It put me in so much pain and wondered if it was even worth it anymore. Tab told me some of the most thought provoking words I have ever heard. “I mean it has happened to all of us, so often we get caught up in running and the competition side of it, we forget why we started it in the first place. It’s cause we love to do it. When we forget that, we lose the enjoyment of it.” Tab, you seriously are so amazing! Thank you for being my “Mom”

Wow, were Nicole and Tab so right! I may have been forced into running, but over time, underneath, I loved it. There is nothing better when I am frustrated than to go on a relaxed (or sometimes really tough) run. While I had let my stress-relief become the stressor, that time of my life is over. With a good attitude, come good results. Whether they be on the stop watch or in the form of encouragement, I’ll take it. I’ve have realized there is more to running than just competition.

It’s about growth.

It’s about enjoyment.

It’s about pushing yourself further and further.

It’s about family.

It’s about helping your team.

It’s about knowing there is a reason you started and have done it all these years.

Coach has given me two very important pieces of advice this year and you can’t take it as you want.

You may not be the runner you once were, but you have to adjust.

You get emotional because you’re passionate.

I am passionate enough about this sport that I have continued to do it all this time. So what if I didn’t break 5:20 in the 1500 like I wanted to. So what if I haven’t been in the 2:30s for an 800 in over a year. Times don’t matter. When you’ve done something for this many years, it’s about spreading your love of it and encouraging others.

One of the most encouraging pro athletes out there for me has always been Kara Goucher. Check out her post “Letting Go of a Dream” on Run the Edge. It has got me through a lot and I hope it can be that encouragement for someone else.

http://www.runtheedge.com/2013/09/letting-go-of-a-dream/

It's time to remember this.

 

Changing What Controls My Life

So as you can see, I love Jesus and I love running. These are two huge parts of my life. But they haven’t always been. I was forced into running and was born into a traditional Catholic family.

Now the running, that’s for another time.

First off, don’t get me wrong, there is ABSOLUTELY nothing wrong with Catholicism. It is a beautiful, intricate religion. It just wasn’t [for me].

I did not understand many things about the r e l i g i o n. The sacraments, the rules, why I had to do certain things. It wasn’t explained to me in CCD classes, I just knew I had to do it.  

It wasn’t the devoted Catholics’ around me problem, it was mine.

I was on a path to nowhere. Or so I thought.

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you,” declares the Lord.

And did he have a plan for me. I started attending a nondenominational church with my mom. I worked most Sundays but did make it to Wednesday Youth Group. I really loved what I was learning; I was beginning to understand Jesus. It took along time, but through several of my adult leaders, I felt like I was really growing closer to Christ. However, I wasn’t ready to [take that jump].

It was my senior and I was on the college search. I had thought about big universities but being from a small school and my personality, that wasn’t for me. After receiving letters and emails about potentially running cross country in college, I looked at colleges as far away as Roosevelt in Chicago and local GPAC schools, Dakota Wesleyan, Briar Cliff, and Morningside. After visiting the local schools, experiencing ups and downs of my running career, and deciding Chicago was too far away for me, I made the decision—I was going to be a Morningside Mustang.

The school stuck out exponentially. I could feel the connections, the love, the happiness. While I didn’t see the importance of faith at the time, Coach Nash assured me that it was there.

It took me some time to see it, but little by little I started to see what Coach was talking about. I was going to church almost weekly with my teammates and it was pretty cool to see them worship.

It wasn’t till this summer, 2013, in which I found what I needed. During the spring, I was asked to start helping with Sunnybrook Youth Group. A girl, K, had Asperger’s and they needed a co-leader for her group. I thought this was going to be great on my resume! That’s all I thought about, sadly. It would go more than on my resume; it would make life changes I never expected.

I was slowly getting to know the students in my small group but always felt like the “awkward adult who looked like a high schooler.” In this time, I told myself, if I was going to be a sponsor of a youth group, I needed to get myself together to go to church. I wasn’t going to be a hypocrite. I needed to learn what I was teaching.

I was starting to really get into church and enjoyed going to seeing the girls each Wednesday night. Late in the school year, Jason, the youth pastor at Sunnybrook, approached me. I had gotten to know him over the past few months of adjusting with Krista. We were working on helping her have the best relationship with Christ. Jason asked me to join the group on their mission trip to Cincinnati.

My small group girls who came to Cincinnati.

 As the time to leave came closer, I had conflicting emotions about the trip. I was living in Sioux City for the summer and this was what I needed. This summer was the most difficult I have been through. I was living 100% on my own, working 2 jobs, and struggling with not being able to run due to injury. My social life was absolutely empty.

I began to have anxiety attacks. When this happens, my heart races like crazy and I cannot breathe. I then start freaking out because I cannot breathe, this only makes it worse. Slowly but surely, this was dragging me down; all I wanted to do was sleep. I kept battling attacks and calling my mom almost daily. She was the only one who could even partially calm me down. Just two days before leaving for Cincinnati, I had a pretty serious anxiety attack. I can’t even remember what caused it now. That’s how much the anxiety was controlling my life. During this particular attack, I called my mom. I told her I wanted to come home. I could not take this stress anymore. When she asked me what my plans were, I sobbed back, “I have no idea, I hate this. I hate all of it.” After more tears, my mom okay’d me to move home for the summer, but I had to go to Cincinnati and find a job at home first. She told me, I committed to the kids, I will go and there will be no other option. She was right, I was going to buck up and do what I was called to do. I prayed to God for him to save my summer.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. Philippians 4:6

Cincinnati

Our whole group.

I used my time before Cincinnati to get my energy back. I skimmed through the program book and a few of the verses. 2 a.m. rolled around, I was off on a bus with 55 high schoolers and 6 other sponsors. 

 

Turns out, I could not have been more B L E S S E D to have been invited on this trip. First off, the kids were so amazing. Yes, I was put through extreme stress, the students made me angry at times, but I wouldn’t have traded the experience for the world.

During this trip, I met Caleb and Shaelee. I had no idea they were the ones who would save my summer. Caleb and I were co-leaders and our “kids”, Price Hill, called us Mom and Dad. Caleb was a great co-leader and I am so glad I became closer to him through a mission experience.

Then there’s Shaelee— The girl who I figured was going to ignore me the whole trip cause she didn’t talk to me at all when all of the “young” leaders were chatting (turns out, she thought I was one of the kids going on the trip). I’m going to say a huge part of my commitment to Christ and eventual Baptism was because of Shae sharing God’s love with me. Whether it was random late night Ben and Jerry’s Ice Cream pigouts or a game of tennis, she was always there to encourage me. It was because of Shaelee that I learned a lesson her grandpa taught her.

“You have been put in this place for a reason. You are going to live with those people and you are going to love those people.”

October 1, 2013

 

On October 1, 2013, I was reborn.  A Baptism night at Elevate, ministry for college kids, was held and one student was baptized. At the end of the night, Chris questioned again, “Did anyone feel lead to be baptized?” At this point, I was shaking, something was telling me, “I’m ready to give my life to Christ.” Going once. Going twice. Okay. You are dismissed. I still was shaking. Britney, one of our leaders who we had worked with this summer, came up behind Shae and me “So, uh, Tasha, when are you going to get in there?” That was it. I spun to the my sidekick, started bawling, and said, “Shaelee, will you baptize me?” Plans were set, I was going to be reborn after the attendees of Elevate setted down. I couldn’t stop crying and shaking. I had to go to the bathroom because I was having so much anxiety; I almost threw up. I was scared. But happy. I was about to become a whole new person. I was R E B O R N in Christ on October 1, 2013.

While I committed my life to Christ, I still do struggle with my anxiety and depression. I wasn’t officially diagnosed until November. Even if this does affect my life, I know, because of my newfound life, I can count on Christ to lead me and guide me. I am going to E N J O Y the life God gave me.  I am changing what controls my life.

I can do all things through Him who gives me S T R E N G T H. –Philippians 4:13